Bindulge – February 2024 – Collecting Zip Codes

I wanted to make a sarcastic post in time for Valentine’s Day with a list filled with soppy, romantic love stories but it very quickly became apparent to me that quite a few of us (by that I mean Millennials, from the Xennials to the ones that are young enough yet not cool enough to be Gen Z) still celebrate V-Day with gifts, flowers, and, yes, social media posts.

Who am I to mock the most romantic (read economically beneficial for Hallmark) day of the year? I’ll do you one better. I’ll give you a list of excruciatingly painful stories of love and loss, with a fistful of British humour (yes, Gervais is in the mix) and some unkind words on everyone’s favourite onscreen sex-fest.

So let’s just dig in, shall we?

One Day

This. Destroyed. Me.
Tale as old as (Shakespearean) time(s); rich, posh southern boy meets non-rich, non-posh northerner and they click, in ways more than one. The blueprint of every rom-com plot, promising a happy ending involving some sort of driving off into the sunset. But if you know better, you’d know there won’t be any of that. For 14 episodes we watch the two characters love and love and love and love but never collide. And then the collision happens. And the aftermath rips your heart out and has you (read me) sobbing in devastation, alongside a soundtrack so well adjusted to each frame that it should be illegal.
I’ve read the book, seen the film, and delved into all of Nicholls’ other works in hopes of finding answers to the What If questions One Day evoked. But nothing could have prepared me for the true magic of the series. The two main characters were played by up-and-coming actors who we’d seen fascinate us in The White Lotus (season two) and This Is Going to Hurt. Ambika Mod takes over the role of Emma from her predecessor Anne Hathaway who played the Northerner in the film in 2011, leaving Mod with “some very large shoes to fill” to quote Emily referring to Anne Hathaway’s character in The Devil Wears Prada (see what I did there?). I hold the belief that Anne Hathaway can do no wrong when it comes to acting, but even the “mistress of the accents” herself couldn’t pull off the northern accent, but she depicted Emma beautifully in all other factors

But it is Leo Woodall that breaks our hearts from the first scene. A charming boyish face that carries the role of a privileged Southerner so well, creating a Dex that persuades us to forgive his ignorance on matters like race, class, and gender. After all, “he’s only in his twenties” we’ll hear ourselves murmur each time he screws up.
I’m assuming one of the reasons we connect with him so well is because we know we will be left with him desperate and heartbroken, picking up the pieces Emma’s death will leave. And that’s what the last episode is for; to tell us life goes on, and Dex is alright.

If you’re one for late-eighties, all of the nineties and early noughties nostalgia, you’re in for a treat. Apart from a few anachronisms, (Chitra Ramaswamy points out an important yet nuanced inaccuracy in her review: “White boys like Dex didn’t fancy brown girls like Em … Dex (and his parents) would have made unintentionally racist blunders. And Em would have forgiven him.”) the show does a good job portraying that era in Britain at least, and has Millennial viewers swooning over the burger phone and cassette players.

Remember how in the midst of the pandemic’s initial lockdowns, the adaptation of Sally Rooney’s Normal People hit our screens and stabbed our hearts having many so entirely devastated they had to call in a sick day and, well, stay home? This is that, but worse; in the best way worst can be.

A Netflix original.

Saltburn

What a mess of a film. Emerald Kennel decided to take a massive budget, cast a plethora of talent, rent the most obscene estate and give life to her brain vomit of a dream in hopes of earning the title of “the most anticipated movie of the year”.
The plot is simple. Rich, posh kid meets normal, middle-class classmate who’s pretending to be dirt poor. Takes him under his wing out of pure pity. Instead of falling in love, one falls for the other’s con scheme.

It is as grotesque in aesthetics as it is minimal in essence. The cinematographers seem to be first-year students experimenting with light. The good guys are dressed in almost see-through linen and tulle, complimented with light, the evil are hardly noticeable, their (his) silouhettes moving in shadows, expressions; non-existent.

The actors cannot save this film no matter how hard they try. Jacob Elordi (Euphoria, Priscilla) towers over the rest of the cast not only due to his 6-foot-5 frame but also his newly found Hollywood momentum.
Keoghan is asked to carry the entire film; his peculiar facial bone structure reminds us of a young Cillian Murphy. The height difference between him and Elordi could be intentional, a paid actor as the kids call it these days, but that would be giving Fennel too much credit.
There are a few lines that are drenched in dry humor, mostly performed by Rosamund Pike and her talent in portraying the ice queen. One of the highlights could be Kitty and Jane Bennet’s reunion, almost two decades later.
This film did one thing incredibly right: revive Sophie Ellis-Bextor’s banger hit, Murder on the Dancefloor, and introduce it to not only a whole new generation but also the Americans. Even though we are quite sick of it now thanks to all and every Instagram Reel and TikTok video that was posted to this “sound” in hopes of trending.

I didn’t hate the film. Except for a few scenes (yeah, no, that bathtub scene was repulsive, as was the grave-fucking), I found it rather entertaining. However, it is not something I’d be wanting to watch again. At least not anytime soon.

Available on Amazon Prime Video.

Love at First Sight

Now this is a VDay film. It’s got all the elements; a rom-com sprinkled with some cheese, involving star-crossed lovers who just met but are gifted a happy ending. It’s a harmless film of the genre that will not leave you with the ick, but also doesn’t shred your poor heart into pieces. And similar to Saltburn, this film stars another The White Lotus alum.

Streaming on Netflix.

Leave The World Behind

To be frank, the only reason I watched this was because of Julia Roberts, Ethan Hawke, and Mahershala Ali, and the only reason I remembered to include it in this Bindulge edition was because the US had gone through a widespread cell outage and the film which was originally a flop, was trending again. The film in itself is nothing remarkable, and knowing it was adapted from a book, I’m assuming that was also not a masterpiece, however, it does (once again) raise the age-old (20 years) question of how “vulnerable are we to a cyber takeover?” and the answer and results ain’t pretty.

Available on Netflix.